More Things That Make You LOL

[bhu]

Knowing Japan?
More than enough to sustain a small but thriving market.

Yeah but I meant in the US? 

"Good evening sir! That's two bottles of Astroglide, Busty Women from Mars, and..."

"Dude seriously we stock these as a joke"

 

"I'd rather you didn't look at me that way sir..."

[EjoThims]

My parents bought my sister one as a joke for her 16th birthday.

Wrapped it with all the other presents and she opened it up in front of all of her friends.

I love my parents. 

[Kuroimaken]

My parents bought my sister one as a joke for her 16th birthday.

Wrapped it with all the other presents and she opened it up in front of all of her friends.

I love my parents. 

Wait. Fleshlight or vibrator? 

[EjoThims]

My parents bought my sister one as a joke for her 16th birthday.

Wrapped it with all the other presents and she opened it up in front of all of her friends.

I love my parents. 

Wait. Fleshlight or vibrator? 

Hello Kitty vibrator.

[veekie]

My parents bought my sister one as a joke for her 16th birthday.

Wrapped it with all the other presents and she opened it up in front of all of her friends.

I love my parents.  

Wait. Fleshlight or vibrator?  

Hello Kitty vibrator.

Those be some seriously fucking awesome parents.

More lulz, less risque

Winner of €10,000 Ryanair scratch card eats winning ticket
Passengers asked to vote for which charity should receive this €10,000 prize
 
Ryanair, the world’s favourite airline, today (26th Feb) confirmed that the winner of a €10,000 Ryanair scratch card, on Thursday’s FR1724 flight from Krakow to East Midlands, ate the €10,000 winning ticket after crew confirmed he had won the €10,000 prize.
 
When the delighted crew congratulated the winner and advised him how to claim his prize he apparently became upset that Ryanair’s cabin crew could not pay him the €10,000 there and then on the flight. When the crew explained to him that these very large €10,000 prizes needed to be verified with, and collected directly from, the scratch card company the prize winner became angry and decided to digest his win – literally!
 
Since this €10,000 prize will now go unclaimed Ryanair and Brand Force, the scratch card company, have decided to offer the cash to charity and have asked Ryanair passengers to vote on www.ryanair.com (until Fri 5th Mar) for which type of charity Ryanair should donate the €10,000 prize to, from the following list:
 
 
1.      An Anger Management Charity
2.      An Eating Disorder Charity
3.      A Gamblers Charity
4.      A Disruptive Children’s Charity
5.      A Mental Health Charity

Full results of this ‘angry’ poll will be announced on Friday 5th March.
 
Ryanair’s Stephen McNamara said,
 
“In the last two year’s Ryanair’s scratch cards have given away 10 cars, over €300,000 in cash prizes and over 100,000 flight vouchers. Passengers have always been delighted to claim their large cash prizes after returning home. Unfortunately our latest winner felt that we should have his €10,000 prize kicking around on the aircraft.
 
Yesterday’s events prove that while Ryanair’s scratch cards offer large cash prizes they clearly taste great too! Crew tried to stop the air Gourmet Scratch Card eater by offering him one of our great tasting sandwiches, pizzas or snacks instead, but clearly he had much more expensive tastes!
 
Ryanair is now asking passengers to vote on which type of charity Ryanair should donate the €10,000 prize money to with one charity from anger management, eating and digestive disorders to disruptive children’s and  mental health charities now set to benefit from a real meal ticket!”

Source

[Risada]

...Don't we need to make a new thread for this? Like, since 2 or 3 pages ago?

Anyway...

I LOL'ed. Hard.

And for those into it, look for the other programs as well. They're awesome 

[Prime32]

I LOL'ed. Hard.

And for those into it, look for the other programs as well. They're awesome  

I've already seen the one where Kyon Ragna Tomozaku Sugita keeps shouting "HARDCORE! HARDCORE!" at random intervals.

[Kuroimaken]

Brazillian president, Lula, is talking to the African president about stuff the Russians left behind for them.

"Oh, we learned a lot from the russians. Thanks to them, we have nuclear power plants, vodka, and russian roulette."

Lula frowns. "Russian Roulette is so risky..."

"I know! That's why we invented African Roulette. Wanna play?"

"I don't know. How is it explained?"

The African president claps his hands and six gorgeous, naked women come in wiggling their butts arounds.

"Choose one of them to fellate you."

"That's WAY better than Russian Roulette!"

"Just so you know, one of them is a cannibal."

In my version of the joke? All of them are.

[Agita]

Is it weird that I found the funniest part to be that Lula's only objection to russian roulette seems to be that's it's risky?

[Kuroimaken]

Is it weird that I found the funniest part to be that Lula's only objection to russian roulette seems to be that's it's risky?

Considering what an incompetent president he is, not really.

[Ruam]

I'll simply have to find a reason to tell that joke to my friends tomorrow...

A favourite of mine

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fish 

[Nanshork]

Pfft.  You want jokes?

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

I can't remember any more.   

[Agita]

Let's jump off the slope into Dead Baby Comedy territory, shall we?

What's worse than seven babies in a garbage can?

One baby in seven garbage cans.

[Sinfire Titan]

Pfft.  You want jokes?

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

I can't remember any more.   

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

A pilot, you racist.

[Nanshork]

Woo, dead baby jokes.

What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

[Ruam]

What is the difference between a dead baby and a mailbox?

If you had to click this box I am so not sending you with any letters

[Kuroimaken]

What is the difference between a lighter and an asshole?

If you don't know, you might wanna learn soon. Otherwise you'll offer your asshole the next time someone asks for a light!

[wotmaniac]

What is the difference between a lighter and an asshole?

If you don't know, you might wanna learn soon. Otherwise you'll offer your asshole the next time someone asks for a light!

and your point would be? 

[Kuroimaken]

What is the difference between a lighter and an asshole?

If you don't know, you might wanna learn soon. Otherwise you'll offer your asshole the next time someone asks for a light!

and your point would be? 

That the original joke sounds better in Portuguese.

There's a double-meaning in that the original joke uses the verb give instead. In Portuguese, to give one's asshole equates soliciting sodomy.

[wotmaniac]

What is the difference between a lighter and an asshole?

If you don't know, you might wanna learn soon. Otherwise you'll offer your asshole the next time someone asks for a light!

and your point would be?  

That the original joke sounds better in Portuguese.

There's a double-meaning in that the original joke uses the verb give instead. In Portuguese, to give one's asshole equates soliciting sodomy.

Oh, never mind.  I had pictured something more like this:
other guy: "hey, you got a light?"
me: "sure" *puts ass in face*
other guy: "hey what are you doing?"
me: *rips a horrendous fart* "there you go"
(kind of a play on the old Steve Martin bit about sitting on a plane when the guy next to you asks if you mind if he smokes, and you reply with asking if he minds if you fart)

but, I guess I got it all wrong