Do we have a dirty trick handbook?

[JaronK]

Exemplar is in Complete Adventurer, and is a general skill monkey PrC.  The big one is that it lets you treat a check from any one skill as a diplomacy check, so yes, it's the only way to get the fanatic thing.  Technically, more powerful versions would involve something easier to do than crawl up someone's arse, but hey, you guys did ask for "dirty" tricks.

Note that there are no specific rules for how to successfully target someone's arse, though I would recommend a great deal of stealth.  And I'd have to check... does Wild Shape have a line about bursting whatever you're in?  Because you could turn into a Legendary Ape to get out, and then monkeys would be bursting out of his arse.  Just saying.

JaronK

[Vidar]

Because you could turn into a Legendary Ape to get out, and then monkeys would be bursting out of his arse.  Just saying.

Yeah, I was thinking exactly the same. Still fell on the floor while reading you say it, though. 

[SorO_Lost]

...you don't want to know.

Okay fine.  But it's quite simple, and HORRIBLE.

<stuff>

Best way to kill a BBEG ever.

...what?  You asked.

JaronK

Now to find a way to combine with the wire hanger...

[Akalsaris]

I like the guy who bursts butts.  Quite...classy.

To answer whoever asked about getting a jump check high enough to land on somebody or teleport onto them at 1st level, here's some stuff I came up with off the top of my head:

1. the PHBII alternate class feature for conjurers gives them a 10ft teleport Int/Day as an immediate action.
2. Benign Transposition (C. Adv. maybe?) is a 1st level Wiz/Sorc spell that switches the position of two allies within close range.  So make your raven familiar fly over the opponent and cast it - now the raven is on the ground and you're dropping down on your opponents.
3. For jumpers, raptorans get +10 to jump checks at 1st level and can fly later, which makes hitting the DC much easier.  The Jump spell gives another +10 for a minute, and Expeditious Retreat and Swift Expeditious Retreat give +12, so hitting a DC 40+ check is certainly do-able a few rounds/day.
4. I can't remember what book it's in, but the Winged Watcher spell for druids turns them into a normal owl for CL rounds.  So at 1st, turn into an owl and fly over your opponents, then next round drop down on them.
5. Sudden Leap is a 1st level maneuver that lets you jump as a swift action, which helps if you need to set up a jump or if you want to jump more times/round.
6. Smoke Ladder is a 1st level Wu Jen spell that creates a ladder for you...that you can then climb up, and jump down from.  Hell, it's the only use anyone will ever find for the spell anyways.

A 1st level, a raptoran conjurer with free vile feats from Elder evils could theoretically do this:

ACFs: PHB II Conjurer one, Unearthed Arcana: switch Scribe Scroll for a fighter bonus feat
Feats:
1st vile: Willing Deformity (BoVD, Elder Evils)
1st character: Deformity: Obese (BoVD)
1st fighter bonus: Martial Study: Sudden Leap

Round 1:
Standard action: cast Enlarge Person on yourself
Move action: jump on an opponent (+10 from raptoran, +2 ranks, +X from other stuff like the Jump spell or Expeditious Retreat, Masterwork items, etc).  Since you are now large, the Hop Up action applies to things as tall as your waist.
Swift: use Sudden Leap to jump onto a new opponent (or hop onto the same one again)
Immediate: use Immediate Magic's ACF to teleport onto a new opponent (or directly above the opponent you last jumped on, if he's still alive).

[Vidar]

...you don't want to know.

Okay fine.  But it's quite simple, and HORRIBLE.

<stuff>

Best way to kill a BBEG ever.

...what?  You asked.

JaronK

Now to find a way to combine with the wire hanger...

Make a clotheshanger as weapon and cast the size enhancement thingy on it, get up someone's butt and make the clotheshanger go gargantuan!

[InnaBinder]

I like the guy who bursts butts.  Quite...classy.

To answer whoever asked about getting a jump check high enough to land on somebody or teleport onto them at 1st level, here's some stuff I came up with off the top of my head:

1. the PHBII alternate class feature for conjurers gives them a 10ft teleport Int/Day as an immediate action.
2. Benign Transposition (C. Adv. maybe?) is a 1st level Wiz/Sorc spell that switches the position of two allies within close range.  So make your raven familiar fly over the opponent and cast it - now the raven is on the ground and you're dropping down on your opponents.
3. For jumpers, raptorans get +10 to jump checks at 1st level and can fly later, which makes hitting the DC much easier.  The Jump spell gives another +10 for a minute, and Expeditious Retreat and Swift Expeditious Retreat give +12, so hitting a DC 40+ check is certainly do-able a few rounds/day.
4. I can't remember what book it's in, but the Winged Watcher spell for druids turns them into a normal owl for CL rounds.  So at 1st, turn into an owl and fly over your opponents, then next round drop down on them.
5. Sudden Leap is a 1st level maneuver that lets you jump as a swift action, which helps if you need to set up a jump or if you want to jump more times/round.
6. Smoke Ladder is a 1st level Wu Jen spell that creates a ladder for you...that you can then climb up, and jump down from.  Hell, it's the only use anyone will ever find for the spell anyways.

A 1st level, a raptoran conjurer with free vile feats from Elder evils could theoretically do this:

ACFs: PHB II Conjurer one, Unearthed Arcana: switch Scribe Scroll for a fighter bonus feat
Feats:
1st vile: Willing Deformity (BoVD, Elder Evils)
1st character: Deformity: Obese (BoVD)
1st fighter bonus: Martial Study: Sudden Leap

Round 1:
Standard action: cast Enlarge Person on yourself
Move action: jump on an opponent (+10 from raptoran, +2 ranks, +X from other stuff like the Jump spell or Expeditious Retreat, Masterwork items, etc).  Since you are now large, the Hop Up action applies to things as tall as your waist.
Swift: use Sudden Leap to jump onto a new opponent (or hop onto the same one again)
Immediate: use Immediate Magic's ACF to teleport onto a new opponent (or directly above the opponent you last jumped on, if he's still alive).

Am I the only one who loled a bit at the fact that maximizing a Jump check at 1st level hinged on being obese?

[ZeroSum]

Well, clearly the "in conjunction" thing means that when you detect magic, you're detecting magic on the past (what else could it mean?)  Thus, the range of the spell exists and has all the normal rules,but in the past.  The tricky part is that you can use metamagic effects to actually alter the past.

JaronK

It could mean that the Divination processes the vision such that anything you could detect is also given to you except that you need to be able to detect it to get the information out.  Like if I took a photo on film that could capture ultraviolet -- if you look at it with normal vision it looks normal but if you look at it with something that detects UV you also see the UV.  It doesn't mean that you're changing the camera that took the photo to be a UV-detecting camera when you look at it with a UV detecting apparatus.

I understand the concept of a dirty trick and RAW -- I'm saying that there are no rules that indicate whether the Detect Magic spell occurs in the past or whether it's just necessary to see the magical information in the vision the Divination gives you.  Furthermore, if "in conjunction with" meant "occurred in the past" then anyone in the past should be able to detect your Detect Magic spell with an appropriate spell or skill check but the spell makes no mention of that either.  It's rather silent on whether there could be any manner you can affect the past, in fact, and silence is not a rule written.

[Vidar]

So, this arseplomancer, how does he get such a high escape artist check? I have to know so I can incorporate this to every single character I ever make.

[Kuroimaken]

So, this arseplomancer, how does he get such a high escape artist check? I have to know so I can incorporate this to every single character I ever make.

For starters, a competence bonus item up the wazoo.

[Agita]

So, this arseplomancer, how does he get such a high escape artist check? I have to know so I can incorporate this to every single character I ever make.

It's actually comparatively easy to jack skill modfiers up to ridiculous heights. Item Familiar is always a good start.

[Akalsaris]

It would probably require level 16ish to auto-succeed a DC 80 check without using custom items.  With custom items of jump +30 (like...the 2,000 gp ring of jumping in 3.0...), I'd guess that one could conceivably make the check around 11th level, given average character wealth by level - and since Righteous Might requires a 5th level spell and Exemplar can start at 10th level, the earliest you can start diplomancing people would be 14th, I think.

You'd still need a way to be non-threatening ("Don't mind me as I crawl up here, it's perfectly safe...") and it would take 1 minute to win over the audience, though there must be some feats that can solve that.

Edit: earliest would be 15th - enter at 11th, gain ability at 15th. 

[Agita]

It would probably require level 16ish to auto-succeed a DC 80 check without using custom items.  With custom items of jump +30 (like...the 2,000 gp ring of jumping in 3.0...), I'd guess that one could conceivably make the check around 11th level, given average character wealth by level - and since Righteous Might requires a 5th level spell and Exemplar can start at 10th level, the earliest you can start diplomancing people would be 14th, I think.

Actually, the earliest would be 15, since you get the ability to diplomance people with Escape Artist (Or whatever skill you choose) at Exemplar 5. This is, of course, disregarding the possibility of using Favored for earlier entry and/or clever use of rebuilding (Shameless plug: Check out the rebuilding handbook!).

You'd still need a way to be non-threatening ("Don't mind me as I crawl up here, it's perfectly safe...") and it would take 1 minute to win over the audience, though there must be some feats that can solve that.

On a normal Diplo check, you'd be able to take a -10 penalty to do it as a full-round action, but the Exemplar ability says specifically "This ability requires at least 1 minute to perform", so I don't think we can cut the time.

My try at an Arseplomancer:

(Strongheart) Halfing Factotum 10/Exemplar 5
Relevant feats: Skill Focus (Escape Artist), Agile (Bonus feat), Item Familiar


32 pb:
Str 6 (8-2 racial)
Dex 24 (16+2 racial+6 Gloves)
Con 10 <- Could technically be 8 since we're optimizing Escape Artist here, but something in me cringes at a negative Con mod.
Int 30 (18+3 levels+3 Tome+6 Headband)
Cha 12

With the Factotum's Brains over Brawn, we get our Int modifier on "checks involving skills based on Strength and Dexterity", which Escape Artist is. Note that the ability adds the modifier, unlike many other similar abilities. Cunning Knowledge gives us our Factotum level as another bonus, albeit only once per day per skill.

Total Bonus:

18 Ranks
+7 Dex
+10 Int
+18 Item Familiar
+10 Cunning Knowledge
+3 Skill Focus
+4 Skill Artistry
+2 Agile

=A total +71 bonus before items, without really trying. Take 10 for an easy 82. In case we have already used our daily Cunning Knowledge on Escape Artist earlier, we can fix that with a +10 (or +8, or a MW tool enchanted to give a +6 bonus) item. With Gloves of Dexterity +6, a Headband of Intelligence +6, and a Tome of Clear Thought +3, that's well within our budget at level 15. For the explodey at the end, just UMD a scroll of Righteous Might.

This can probably be done much better, I just threw this together in a few minutes.

[Sunic_Flames]

...Don't you have to be able to read the scroll? How do you plan to do that Mr. Asshat?

[Agita]

...Don't you have to be able to read the scroll? How do you plan to do that Mr. Asshat?

I don't remember any rules placing restrictions on the handling of objects in (extremely) tight spaces, so you should be able to just pull it out and read it with some light source (Out of pity for the guy who's gonna explode, I'd suggest something other than a torch or candle ). Don't take my word for this though. Failing that, you could make a staff, though that would be more expensive. Lemme do some math...

EDIT: You could get a staff of Righteous might for 16875 gp, or 8437.5 if you have each use drain 2 charges. Still well within our budget.

[Kuroimaken]

(Out of pity for the guy who's gonna explode, I'd suggest something other than a torch or candle ).

It's actually a matter of personal security, so you don't blow up pockets of gas in his/her intestines.

[Agita]

(Out of pity for the guy who's gonna explode, I'd suggest something other than a torch or candle ).

It's actually a matter of personal security, so you don't blow up pockets of gas in his/her intestines.

I dunno if there'd be enough oxygen for the methane to react with, but that's still a good point. No point in taking unnecessary risks, is there?
That is, some of it would definitely react, but I doubt there'd be enough of either gas for an explosive reaction.

[InnaBinder]

(Out of pity for the guy who's gonna explode, I'd suggest something other than a torch or candle ).

It's actually a matter of personal security, so you don't blow up pockets of gas in his/her intestines.

I dunno if there'd be enough oxygen for the methane to react with, but that's still a good point. No point in taking unnecessary risks, is there?

KEEP YOUR SCIENCE OUTTA MY FANTASY, DAMMIT!  Ahem.

[SorO_Lost]

Half-Elf Bard 9 / Marshal 1 / Exemplar 5
Class Substitutes: Soothing Voice.
Feats: Agile, Item Familiar, Lingering Song, Skill Focus (escape artist).
Items: Masterwork Tool(diplomacy), Masterwork Tool(escape artist), Staff with Righteous Might.
Diplomacy: More than high enough you won't make your will save.
Escape Artist: 73+(dex & cha) = +18 (ranks) + ? (dex) + ? (cha) + 2 (circumstantial) + 2 (agile) + 3 (skill focus) + 18 (item familiar) + 30 (competence)

Start singing 'I'm going to rape your ass" to the Smurf tune, which for some reason makes them docile and somewhat peaceful.

Then prove it.

[InnaBinder]

Half-Elf makes this a considerably more difficult DC, by the logic of JaronK's dirty trick.  Something on the order of DC 160, if I'm reading it correctly.

[Agita]

Half-Elf makes this a considerably more difficult DC, by the logic of JaronK's dirty trick.  Something on the order of DC 160, if I'm reading it correctly.

You could always cast Reduce Person beforehand. Also, looking at the skill entry, your size doesn't affect the DC - it affects how tiny a space you can squeeze into (2''^2 for Medium creatures, 1''^2 for Small ones).