How unprepaired are you for the impending zombie apocalypse?

[Halloween]

They’re coming. How unprepared are you?

Pretty much everyone who is a geek (read: you) has thought about the hungry dead at one point or another. Images lurk within our brains (tasty, tasty brains) of those deep ranks of grey skinned ghouls lurching through the shambles of our cities. Armageddon in a vial, or in cosmic rays, or pollution or whatever: some sinister alchemy raising our dead, hungry for the flesh of the living.

Yeah, we’ve thought about it.

So they’re coming. How unprepared are you?

I am extremely unprepared. The idea for this thread popped into my head when I was stumbling into my apartment struggling with laundry stuffed bags. I looked at my crappy plywood door on my sixth floor apartment while fumbling in my pocket for my keys. “This door couldn’t stop ONE zombie, let alone a swarm.”

This was of course followed by the obligatory, “Holy crap I need therapy!”

So tell us your vulnerabilities. What is it about your life that will render you unable to survive the impending zombie apocalypse?

My list is as follows:

1. The aforementioned door. My apartment is protected by a flimsy slip of wood, more a polite request to stay out then any real form of protection.

2. I have no animals living with me. It’s been proven, in zombie stories, people who own pets survive 43% longer than those heartless wretches with none. (Note:  Statistics in this post may be lies).

3. I am what could be politely called an “Urban Perching Tubby” in the annals of tubby taxonomists. These tubbies live in urban environments high above the ground. They move seldom, and their muscle tone is akin to that of a length of bacon-smothered string.

4. My fridge contains half a wheel of cheese, two eggs, a half empty jug of orange-juice, and the stale end of a loaf of cheese-bread. Survive a long siege, I cannot.

5. I don’t speak the local language. I am surrounded by French people. In the event of significant social upheaval I will be regulated to the status of ‘goofy foreigner’ which will inevitably lead to my amusing, but still horrific demise.

So I’m buggered. How about you?

[Bauglir]

I'm decently set. I've got a heavy wooden bludgeoning instrument stashed in my closet, I live alone (meaning no roommate dies in his sleep and awakes as a zombie scenarios), and have a plan outlined for the event wherein I loot a Wal-Mart and hole up in a building with no windows for 2 weeks preparing for the cross-country trek/drive (across backroads and wilderness of course, major highways will be flesh buffets) to Pennsylvania (where the rest of my group who wasn't in my hometown will be, although I should probably inform dman of this, since he's on the way), and from thence to a harbor to steal a boat to get to Europe somewhere, and from there to get to Siberia (subzero temperatures mean the zombies will freeze like corpsicles!), where a friend of mine apparently knows of some old military bases we might be able to hide away in. And, with luck, one of them will have a possibility for setting up a geothermal power supply, which is dead easy to make if you've got enough gold on hand (damned corrosion). I estimate about 1.5 years between zombie apocalypse and getting reasonably secure, all in all. Plus, my door is heavy enough that I'll know when zombies start trying to break it down, giving me time to prepare.

Once we're secure, we can begin the work of subjugatingintegrating nearby groups of survivors into our new society so the human race doesn't die off from inbreeding.

[dman11235]

I thought we agreed: PEI?  it's an island, and we can blow the bridge while remaining in contact with the rest of the world (electronics, boats) and it's big enough to support a self-contained ecosystem, yet small enough that the zombie outbreak will not affect it much, if at all.  It can be contained quickly, you see (only one bridge).  If that island falls, Alaska is where we go next, followed by Siberia.

[emissary666]

I am fully prepared. I plan to infect myself.

[X-Codes]

Weathering the event inside a Wal-Mart sounds like a good idea to me.  Only thing more that I'd need would be a shotgun and lots of ammo (curse the ammo that always runs out!).

[Ubernoob]

I'll kill my way to the bludgeoning objects and shotguns.  I'm pretty safe with my knives.  I'll just hamstring humans to distract the zombies as I make my escape.

[AfterCrescent]

I've got a variety of plans depending on what causes the outbreak and how big it has gotten before I have time to act. The most important thing is that my friend's girlfriend knows full well ahead of time that she gets shot in the leg so the zombies are distracted eating her while we make our escape. (Part of plan Gamma). Best part? Everyone agrees its the only way, even my friend. She actually occasionally mentions it like she's hoping we'll all just say "haha, just kidding." But we won't.

Anyways, to all you Wal-Mart, goers. Good luck. Large store open 24 hours with multiple entrances is prime zombie breeding ground. You enjoy your swift death there.

[BobismyRhino]

I've got a variety of plans depending on what causes the outbreak and how big it has gotten before I have time to act. The most important thing is that my friend's girlfriend knows full well ahead of time that she gets shot in the leg so the zombies are distracted eating her while we make our escape. (Part of plan Gamma). Best part? Everyone agrees its the only way, even my friend. She actually occasionally mentions it like she's hoping we'll all just say "haha, just kidding." But we won't.

Anyways, to all you Wal-Mart, goers. Good luck. Large store open 24 hours with multiple entrances is prime zombie breeding ground. You enjoy your swift death there.

No wait... Isn't this the plan where I get turned into a pony and then eaten by a dragon?  :-\

[Tshern]

Couldn't you just push the zombies around like in all the old movies where those scumbags couldn't bite you through a leather jacket and they moved like a pile of rotten bananas, which is not too fast?

Anyway, Finnish doors are around three and half inches thick, so meaties couldn't reach me here. 7th floor, thick door and even a security chain, this is a zombie proof apartment. Additionally, I am quite certain I could make my way to the balcony below me if I actually had to, but I don't think I would get that desperate.

My freezer is full of blackberries, rasberries, straberries and even some real food, I'd survive for ages. I have a huge stash of different sorts of booze and quite a bit of beer, so I wouldn't get bored either if I had to stay here for long.

And yes, I have been thinking about the risks of zombie invasion. Hence the precautions.

[bhu]

Well...i have a decent shotgun...but the fridge isnt really well stocked, and the apartment isnt really defendable. 


I figured I just wander around and buttrape zombies till I became one of 'em.

Said that out loud didn't I?  :-\


Ah screw it, it's not like I've said weirder stuff on here before. 

[emissary666]

HEY! Necroamericans were people too!

[Vynar]

I need to move to Finland then. Get some of your doors, and then hopefully join the group in Siberia.

[Ieniemienie]

The netherlands is not that far away from Scandinavia... Although with the car I steal from my parents, there is no way I can plough through hordes of undead...

[AfterCrescent]

I've got a variety of plans depending on what causes the outbreak and how big it has gotten before I have time to act. The most important thing is that my friend's girlfriend knows full well ahead of time that she gets shot in the leg so the zombies are distracted eating her while we make our escape. (Part of plan Gamma). Best part? Everyone agrees its the only way, even my friend. She actually occasionally mentions it like she's hoping we'll all just say "haha, just kidding." But we won't.

Anyways, to all you Wal-Mart, goers. Good luck. Large store open 24 hours with multiple entrances is prime zombie breeding ground. You enjoy your swift death there.

No wait... Isn't this the plan where I get turned into a pony and then eaten by a dragon?  :-\

Well plan Gamma evolved that day, and then he decided to ask what would happen if after the Zompacalypse ended the world turned to D&D, and yes, you would turn into a pony and be eaten by dragons. But all that comes after plan Gamma, where we shoot the weak in the legs so the zombies are distracted...

[Bauglir]

I thought we agreed: PEI?  it's an island, and we can blow the bridge while remaining in contact with the rest of the world (electronics, boats) and it's big enough to support a self-contained ecosystem, yet small enough that the zombie outbreak will not affect it much, if at all.  It can be contained quickly, you see (only one bridge).  If that island falls, Alaska is where we go next, followed by Siberia.

Yeah, but then I was discussing it and it turns out there are some people we could pick up in Europe, and the pre-existing fortifications of a military base are just too good to pass up if it's deserted. And if it isn't deserted, that's even better, as long as we can make sure they know we're not zombies BEFORE we enter firing range. Plus, since people designing bases aren't stupid, there's bound to be one with geothermal power, and one thing we're gonna need to establish ourselves as a competetive group in the post-apocalyptic world is electrical power, with computers and a stable food and water supply being the others.

Plus, even if it's an island, some zombies are gonna get washed ashore eventually anyway. It only takes one to infect the wildlife and ruin our home.

[Irthos Levethix]

Can I join your group Bauglir?  I'm a city boy raised in the country, which means I know how to properly fire a handgun while in a moving vechicle.  Seems a pretty useful skill in the zombaclypse.  What better group of tactians than a bunch of D&D geeks, ya know?

[Bauglir]

Sure, why not? We'll probably set up a rendezvous point near the coastline. It'd probably be set for 4 weeks after the initial apocalypse. Just remember: everyone who isn't me is expendable. 

If nonhumans can contract the Zombie Virus, though, then forget about it. It'll just be a rush to get above the Arctic Circle as fast as possible, and we can worry about sorting ourselves out after that.

[Irthos Levethix]

Although, on second thought, the whole Wal-Mart thing is a no-go for me.  I'm with AC on that one; how many zombie movies have you seen the "heros" get trapped in the mall?

[AfterCrescent]

Although, on second thought, the whole Wal-Mart thing is a no-go for me.  I'm with AC on that one; how many zombie movies have you seen the "heros" get trapped in the mall?

Damn straight. Zombies + Large public area = zombie breeding ground. No thank you.

[Smudgy]

I'd use the same tactics I used when playing German dodgeball in elementary school. Stand discreetly in a corner while all the other idiots flounder about the room thinking they have a chance to dodge everything thrown at 'em.

If one of the "zombies" tries to "bite" me, I'd just toss another kid in front of me. If that's not an option, I would inadvertently catch the ball and knock the "zombies" teeth out on the return throw. Then I quietly remove myself to another corner of the room and repeat the process if necessary.

Worked for dodgeball, why not for zombies? Basically the same thing.