I've been sorting Republican mail for 9 hours. Some observations.

[AstralFire]

First of all:

Moderate Republicans Who Don't Write Much: Never has a simple checkmark next to "taxes should be lower" made me happy before. You, with your lack of verbosity and mere ideological differences without unrestrained hatred, single-handedly made the day bearable.

Christian Republicans: I know you think you're saving people by putting those pamphlets in the envelopes instead of money, but did you realize that since the mail is charged to the addressee, all you're really doing is draining your party's coffers? I mean, not that I mind personally being liberal and all, but really. We keep a bucket just to hurl those things in. No one reads them.

Michael P. Ennis: I am so, so sorry.

Bigots: If I ever need a reminder that racism isn't dead, I'll just remember your notes. "God bless you, John, you're the only one that can save us from that Islam sand [BLACK PEOPLE] [GAY PEOPLE] turning this country into the next Canada." (Paraphrased, but only slightly.)

Conscientious and Verbose Republicans: Christians, expatriate Repubs who are independent, what have you, you people that write sincerely and at length about how:
1) John McCain has personally touched your life
2) The Republican party has lost track, but here's how to fix it
3) How you will give the $2300 if only the McCain campaign adopts _____ platform
4) Palin is just so cute and if you could only get a picture of her (USE THE INTERNET LIKE EVERYONE ELSE LOOKING FOR PORN)
Stop. Just stop. The really wordy among you not only actually cost your party money, you're pissing in the wind. It was really depressing, actually, to see so many heartfelt sentiments get tossed into the trash at an average rate of 1 per 10 seconds or less. "Best birthday wishes John McCain!" No, show us the money.

Especially on an actual 'survey' meant to gauge the party's feelings. Nuh-uh. That survey was just a fundraiser in disguise. If you donated less than $100, your survey got entirely thrown out. And I'm pretty sure the ones that we kept aren't going to get read, we just needed the address segment on it to send more mail at the big spenders.

Also, we don't care if your family member just died. We also do not honor requests to not send mail unless they are sent with a check that is at least $50. Those get thrown in the trash.

Bigots, Part II: Really, nuking Mexico. You -really- think that that's a good idea, nuking a friendly nation with which we share a large border. To solve an immigration problem. Uh-huh.

Really Old Republicans: Learn to use a typewriter or get an attorney or something. We had to toss out a few checks simply because no one in the office could actually deciper... anything on the check, presumably because your hands are so shaky. It's great you care so much even so late in your life, but your effort was in naught.

Bigots, Part III: Afghanistan is not next to Quebec. So, no, the Taliban doesn't slip nightly between the mountainous borders of the two countries, and there are no further steps we can take to secure the open border. (Seriously, QUEBEC?)

People Angry About Getting Fundraiser Mail: Your multi-pound contraptions, often held together solely with duct tape, designed purely to cost the Republican Party as much as possible on postage, were the hilarity highlight of the day. Even - especially - that guy who stuffed in 3 pounds of paper which were essentially him handwriting out his screams of rage that the Republican party has nominated an extreme left-winger like McCain. (? What the hell? I'm sorry Hitler wasn't a valid candidate?)

Oh, and the Union of Concerned Scientists? I have no idea why you addressed a pamphlet to John McCain, but I like the window sticker. I'm putting it in my car tomorrow.

I am aware this is probably very similar at the Democrat side of things, substituting Bigots with PC Police and such. However, I wasn't filing those for nine hours.

[PhoenixInferno]

Um...what?

[AstralFire]

Um...what?

I work for a company that handles mailing lists for Repub fundraising groups. Just some general observations from the mail.

[PhoenixInferno]

Ah.  Wouldn't your liberal tendancies demand that you screw around with their operations?  But that would get you fired, wouldn't it?

[AstralFire]

Ah.  Wouldn't your liberal tendancies demand that you screw around with their operations?  But that would get you fired, wouldn't it?

Yeah, I'd get fired. And if I wasn't working at the job, someone else would be. So I figured best that at least a liberal be getting their money... Though I'm engaged in a job hunt to find something not in politics, left or right. I'm sure I'd be similarly enraged if I was working at the left-wing counterpart.

[Sinfire Titan]

Um...what?

I work for a company that handles mailing lists for Repub fundraising groups. Just some general observations from the mail.

I pity you deeply. You have to put up with the writing of idiots for a living. I have to put pool tables together (I'm not being sarcastic, BTW).

[PhoenixInferno]

I've seen some of that done on TV once (on PBS), it was kinda cool - might be fun to try once or twice.  Seems like there's a great deal of craftsmanship involved in the manufacture of a good billiards table.

[altpersona]

tell ya what,

as a resident of one of the top three most racist states in the country... its alive and well...

last year i overheard my father (67yrs old hillbilly) discussing politics with his buddies... they could not wait to vote for hillary..
this surprised me, i thought he was a guns and bibles republican.. anything but the black guy i guess

the factory that i work for... union... old union... very democrat... except for this year.. now they 'just cant do it'  some are 'too patriotic' cause he dont pledge allegiance..

[Nox_Noctis]

Bigots, Part III: Afghanistan is not next to Quebec. So, no, the Taliban doesn't slip nightly between the mountainous borders of the two countries, and there are no further steps we can take to secure the open border. (Seriously, QUEBEC?)

Hahaha, that's right, keep looking at your Sheeple globe while the Taliban invade from Canada. Everything is going to- goddamnit, what, Bill? They'll read this post and realize we've been operating right under their noses all along? Bill, that's the stupidest thing I've heard all week. I hope you only get sixty-nine virgins when you die. Whoa, I need to take my hand off the keyboard when I get distracted. I can't believe I typed all that out. Whatever, there's no sense in deleting it. Americans don't even read. Where was I now? Ah, it doesn't matter.



--This message brought to you as a joke... To the CIA and other government organizations: please do not arrest one of your own citizens (me) for his sense of humor when he's clearly making factually incorrect and entirely absurd statements (to quote for emphasis, "Seriously, QUEBEC?").

[Sinfire Titan]

I've seen some of that done on TV once (on PBS), it was kinda cool - might be fun to try once or twice.  Seems like there's a great deal of craftsmanship involved in the manufacture of a good billiards table.

You want to help me out then? Bob's got to go pick up two tables tommorow (both with 9ft Slate) and I've got to watch the shop until he gets back (at which point we unload the blasted things).

It's fine until you actually have to carry the slate. Putting the tables together is nothing. Moving the slate is a bitch.

[Zuki]

I am in turns entertained, informed, and amused.

Especially by this, it's just a great image. I like knowing that there are people out there that are willing to put together such elaborate and petty acts of rage, even as I am saddened by the apparent loopiness of its sender.

People Angry About Getting Fundraiser Mail:  Your multi-pound contraptions, often held together solely with duct tape, designed purely to cost the Republican Party as much as possible on postage, were the hilarity highlight of the day. Even - especially  - that guy who stuffed in 3 pounds of paper which were essentially him handwriting out his screams of rage that the Republican party has nominated an extreme left-winger like McCain. (? What the hell? I'm sorry Hitler wasn't a valid candidate?)[/quote

[Banor]

First of all:

Bigots, Part III: Afghanistan is not next to Quebec. So, no, the Taliban doesn't slip nightly between the mountainous borders of the two countries, and there are no further steps we can take to secure the open border. (Seriously, QUEBEC?)

What about Quebec and Afghanistan? (Quebecer here). If they are implying that we are hiding terrorist and stuff, they can go fuck themselves. Our guys has been dying like hell just in Afghanistan since USA and other countries left the house. Please show some freaking respect. I'm not too fond of this war in Afghanistan but it was supported by UN and stuff and these guys are just doing their job and a freaking hard one too, they deserve respect.

[Marco]

Ah.  Wouldn't your liberal tendancies demand that you screw around with their operations?  But that would get you fired, wouldn't it?

Fired is the least of your worries. Messing with the mail is a federal offense and the post office doesn't play. I worked for a bank years ago processing credit card payments and a manager was caught stealing money and returned credit cards from the mail. Committing bank fraud was bad, abuse of the US mail was worse. The secret service showed up and took him and his clepto buddy out of the office in handcuffs in front of the whole crew. It also made working there a living hell for the honest people that had to work under massive security procedures and red tape.  :-\

[AndyJames]

LoL! Yeah. Mail crosses state lines. It becomes a Federal case by default.

[AstralFire]

Pretty sure Federal law no longer applies once the mail has been received by a designated handler. I wouldn't do it regardless, though.

[Stratovarius]

It applies until it gets to the intended recipient. It's why damaging a personal mailbox is legally a federal offense, and impeding delivery of mail is another one. If you go back and look at the student protests of the 60s and 70s, and the buildings that they protested in (on college campuses), one of the results of that was that many started housing the school mailrooms. A protest that impeded the mail became a federal crime, and allowed a much more vigorous crackdown on those protesters.

[Psychic Robot]

Nuke Mexico, save a welfare child.

[Hallack]

AstralFire thanks for sharing, it was enlightening though not surprising that such is the manner of those activities.  That goes for both the types of content received and the reaction to them.  Just one reason I don't send any money to the Repubs when they have sent me their Rah rah fund raising letters.  Hehe, though I have been tempted to slap their postage paid on something heavy like you had encountered.

I suspect that you are correct that the Dems have similar methods on their fund raiding operations.  I'll stop there before I go off on a ranting tangent about how %$@(^!& retarded both the parties have become overall.



Self Edited for language

[altpersona]

traditionally the dems do use basically the same setup for fund raising..

but this year they are doing better online... paypal and click able donations.. the guy who founded facebook is running the online fundrasing..

[Sunic_Flames]

I am reminded of the utter embodiment of Epic Fucking Fail who pretty much ignored every bit of logic, reason, and words coming out of my mouth to shoot down the black guy because he's a black guy. That includes displacing McCain's shit on him, or ignoring the fucking facts about what Obama is really doing.

Why do I know all this? Because I was bored and followed a single politics thread. Naturally, as I predicted I've come to regret caring about that heap of bullshit once more.