Uncle Kitties Guide to Hopefully Humorous Abominations of Nature

[Agita]

I take it no one here ever played in Mystara?

What's a Mystara?

[Radmelon]

It's like a toaster for numbers.

[bhu]

Muck Whale
                      Gargantuan Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             25d10+175 (312 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                Swim 60 ft. (12 squares)
Armor Class:          30 (-4 Size, +1 Dex, +23 Natural), touch 7, flat-footed 29
Base Attack/Grapple:  +25/+50
Attack:               Slam +34 melee (2d6+19)
Full Attack:          Slam +34 melee (2d6+19)
Space/Reach:          20 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks:     Terrifying Appearance,
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Hold Breath, Fast Healing 5, Blindsight 120'
Saves:                Fort +14, Ref +14, Will +8
Abilities:            Str 36, Dex 13, Con 22, Int 3, Wis 11, Cha 16
Skills:               Listen +20, Spot +20, Swim +21
Feats:                Ability Focus (Terrifying Appearance), Alertness, Awesome Blow, Diehard, Endurance, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Toughness, Power Attack, Swim-By Attack
Environment:          Cold or Temperate Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Pod (6-12)
Challenge Rating:     12
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          26-38 HD (Gargantuan), 39-50 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment:     ---

It is said that long ago one of the Gods of Darkness was saved when the untimely arrival of a pod of whales saved him from ambush by distracting one of his fellows.  Unusually happy after butchering his would be assassin the God set out to find a way to protect the whales from hunters who were rabidly overfishing them.  His blessing was unique to say the least, and it is said he killed the whales and then raised them from death in an unholy parody of life.

The truth as always is just a little bit different than the stories say.  The God altered the whales, and their descendants have all inherited these changes.  The Muck Whales are hideous rotting parodies of their former selves, but in truth they are not dead.  It is a form of camouflage meant to deter hunters since they look like floating corpses, and if not then the whales obvious unlife usually terrifies them into fleeing.  Worse their wounds seem to never heal, but they cause them no discomfort either.  Most who have encountered them are thought mad as Muck Whales are rare, and even undead can be destroyed eventually.  The problem is that everyone assumes Clerics can turn them because of their appearance, or that items effective against the Undead are necessary for dealing with them.  This is a major reason why the few parties that spot and chase after Muck Whales fail.


Terrifying Appearance (Su): Any living creature within 60' of the Muck Whale must make a DC 27 Willpower Save or be Frightened for 2d6 rounds.  Opponents who succeed in making the Save are immune to this Muck Whales Terrifying Appearance for 24 hours.

Hold Breath (Ex): Muck Whales can hold their breath for (8 times Constitution Modifier) rounds before it risks drowning.

Skills: Muck Whales receive a +4 Racial Bonus to Listen and Spot Checks, and a +8 Bonus to Swim Checks.  They may always Take 10 on a Swim Check, and may use the Run Action while swimming in a straight line.

Combat: Muck Whales have a (very) rudimentary sense of tactics.  They will rely on their appearance and hit and run tactics despite their size.  Some even play dead to avoid the combat entirely. 

[bhu]

Small update to Danubans and Pegataurs

[bhu]

Is there an official height/weight chart for Centaurs?

[Agita]

Is there an official height/weight chart for Centaurs?

As a matter of fact, yes. Races of the Wild, page 106.

[The_Mad_Linguist]

Muck whales should probably give a false identification as undead for failed knowledge checks.

[bhu]

Muck whales should probably give a false identification as undead for failed knowledge checks.

When I revise all these for .pdf, I intend to add the Knowledge Check stuff if I has time so that will be going in.

[bhu]

I updated Pegataur

Leech, Biggie Sized
                      Tiny Vermin (Aquatic)
Hit Dice:             1d8+1 (5 hp)
Initiative:           -1
Speed:                10 ft. (2 squares), Swim 15 ft.
Armor Class:          12 (+2 Size, -1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple:  +0/-12 (+12 when Attached)
Attack:               Attach -1 melee (Attach)
Full Attack:          Attach -1 melee (Attach)
Space/Reach:          2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks:      Attach, Anesthetic Bite, Blood Drain, Disease
Special Qualities:    Blind, Amphibious, Tremorsense 30'
Saves:                Fort +3, Ref -1, Will +1
Abilities:            Str 3, Dex 8, Con 12, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 1
Skills:               Hide +11, Swim +4
Feats:                Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment:          Warm Aquatic, Marsh, or Forest
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:   1/2
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          2 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...this job sucked before the Leeches...now Ah just have a powerful need to do bad things..."

Giant Leeches are the best for ruining an adventurers day.  Especially if they're sleeping.  Hehehehehehe...

Attach (Ex): A Leech can Attach itself with a successful Melee Touch Attack, effectively Grappling it's opponent.  While Attached it loses it's Dexterity Bonus to AC (not that it has one), but gains a +12 Racial Bonus to Grappling Checks.  It can be attacked with a weapon, or removed if it's opponent can successfully Pin it in a Grapple.

Anesthetic Bite (Ex): If potential victims do not make a successful Spot vs Hide Check, they do not notice the Leech make an Attach attempt.  They may make another Spot vs Hide Check each round with a cumulative +2 Bonus to notice the Leech has attached itself.

Blood Drain (Ex): Leeches do 1d4 temporary Constitution damage each round they remain attached, falling off when they've eaten at least 4 Con.

Disease (Ex): Any opponent the Leech successfully Attaches itself to must make a DC 13 (Save DC is Con based with a +2 Racial Bonus) or be infected with Red Ache (see page 292 of the DMG).

Blind (Ex): Leeches are Blind, and therefore immune to any attack or effect relying on sight.

Skills: Leeches get a +8 Racial Bonus on Hide and Swim Checks, and may always Take 10 on a Swim Check.

Combat: Leeches hide in ambush, and make an Attach attempt whether their opponent notices them or not. 

[bhu]

Pegataur done cept for Feats

[bhu]

Headless Mule
                      Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             5d10+15 (42 hp)
Initiative:           +1
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class:          15 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple:  +5/+12
Attack:               Hoof +7 melee (1d4+3)
Full Attack:          2 Hooves +7 melee (1d4+3)
Space/Reach:          10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Hallucinatory Pheromones
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Scent
Saves:                Fort +7, Ref +5, Will +4
Abilities:            Str 16, Dex 13, Con 16, Int 4, Wis 16, Cha 16
Skills:               Listen +9, Spot +9
Feats:                Alertness, Endurance
Environment:          Warm Plains
Organization:         Solitary, Pair, or Group (3-12)
Challenge Rating:     5
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          6-10 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...ever since we bought this mule...the world seems...strange..."

Despite the name Headless Mules are not actually headless.  Ask anyone their origin story and you'll get some weird bizarre crap about a woman sleeping with a priest and being cursed to become a headless mule that spits fire and rainbows and haunts the countryside on Thursdays. 

In reality, this particular species of mule has evolved to use magic as a defense in a similar manner to the Pale Horse.  Except instead of fear and hallucinations it causes...um...well fear and hallucinations.  Except instead of seeing the Mule as some incarnation of death, victims get a reeeeeeeeally bad trip.  The hallucinatory effect is responsible for the many crazy origin stories regarding the Mule, several local towns in the area, and a great many legends that don't make a damn bit of sense to anyone other than the towns residents, and some really hardcore drug addicts. 

Hallucinatory Pheromones (Su): Any creature within 60' of a Headless Mule must make a DC 15 Willpower Save or go batpoop crazy and begin hallucinating.  If the Save is Failed the opponent is affected as if by a Major Image spell, with the exception that the Mule doesn't need to concentrate, nor does it choose the hallucination.  The victims subconscious does.  Obviously no one needs to be told there's bad times a'comin'.  If the victim fails the Save by 5 or more or rolls a Natural 1, it's fears come to life, and they are affected by a Phantasmal Killer spell instead.

Combat: Headless Mules are rarely required to be involved in combat.  Most of the time they chew grass while watching predators freak out curled up in a fetal position.  They have seen many things.  Horrible things.  The world should be glad they cannot speak of them.

[bhu]

Giant Pistol Shrimp
                      Huge Vermin (Aquatic)
Hit Dice:             8d8+24 (60 hp)
Initiative:           +2
Speed:                30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft., Burrow 5 ft.
Armor Class:          20 (-2 Size, +2 Dex, +10 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple:  +6/+20
Attack:               Claw +10 melee (1d8+6)
Full Attack:          Claw +10 melee (1d8+6) or Pistol +6 Ranged Touch (3d6 Sonic)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Pistol Claw
Special Qualities:    Dark Vision 60', Vermin traits, Limb Regeneration
Saves:                Fort +9, Ref +4, Will +3
Abilities:            Str 22, Dex 14, Con 16, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 2
Skills:               Hide -2, Spot +5, Swim +14
Feats:                ---
Environment:          Any Aquatic
Organization:         Solitary or Colony (6-30)
Challenge Rating:     5
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          9-13 HD (Huge), 14-16 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Were goin' fishin' Abner!"
"Awright!  It's about time Bert!"
"Here's your ring of water breathing."
"What the hell are these for?"
"We're goin' fishin' underwater."
"For what?"
"Shrimp..."

Giant Pistol Shrimp are truck sized crustaceans with an odd claw that allows them to shoot a sonic blast in t he form of a stream of bubbles.  It is capable of killing small prey and stunning larger opponents.  There are several kinds of Pistol Shrimp.  Some live in large colonies, and some live in a symbiotic relationship in a burrow with Giant Goby fish.

Pistol Claw (Ex): When making a Full Attack the Pistol Shrimp can use it's special claw.  When it snaps together it creates a bubble which momentarily reaches temperatures similar to the sun causing a shockwave.  It makes a Ranged Touch Attack on any square within 60'.  Anything within the square takes 3d6 Sonic damage and make a DC 17 Fortitude Save or be both Stunned and Deafened for 1d3 rounds.

Limb Regeneration (Ex): If a Pistol Shrimp loses a limb it regenerates within 1d4 weeks.

Skills: Giant Pistol Shrimp get a +8 Racial Bonus on Swim checks, and may always Take 10 on a Swim Check.  They also have a +4 Racial Bonus on Hide and Spot Checks.

Combat: Giant Pistol Shrimp generally fire off their pistol attack to stun or kill prey before finishing it off with their claw.

[The_Mad_Linguist]

Should probably be a magical beast or animal, since they're far too intelligent to be mindless.

[bhu]

pistol shrimp are intelligent?

EPIC ZOMBIE

Epic Zombie is an Acquired Template that can be added to any living corporeal creature of at least 21 Hit Dice that has a skeletal system.

Size and Type: Size is unchanged, Type changes to Undead.  Subtypes except Alignment or species (such as Goblinoid or Reptilian) are retained.

Hit Dice: All current and Future Hit Dice become d12's.

Speed: Unchanged.

Armor Class: The Epic Zombie gets a Natural Armor Bonus equal to it's Hit Dice, and a Profane Bonus to AC equal to half that mount.

Attacks: The Epic Zombies BAB is now equal to it's Hit Dice, if it wasn't already

Damage: Epic Zombies who have no Natural Attacks gain a Slam Attack whose damage depends on their size:

Fine: 1 pt.
Diminutive: 1d2
Tiny: 1d3
Small: 1d4
Medium: 1d6
Large: 1d8
Huge: 2d6
Gargantuan: 2d8
Colossal: 4d6

Special Attacks: The Epic Zombie keeps all Special Attack and Class Abilities except Spells and Spell-Like Abilities.  Any Class Ability formerly based on Int or Charisma now gets a +4 Racial Modifier instead.  For example if an ability had a Save DC of 10 + 1/2 HD + Cha Mod, it is now 10 + 1/2 HD +4.  If the ability normally gets you a Bonus of some sort equal to your Int or Cha Mod you now have a +4.  It also gains the following:

Terrifying Appearance (Su): Any living being within 60' of the Epic Zombie must make a Fortitude Save or take 1d4 points of Strength, Dexterity, and Constitution damage. If the save is made successfully, the opponent is immune to this particular Epic Zombies Terrifying Appearance for 24 hours.

Infectious Bite (Su): Any creature bitten by the Epic Zombie must make a Fortitude Save (DC is 10 plus 1/2 Hit Dice plus 4) or contract Mummy Rot.  Unlike normal if the opponent dies it becomes a Zombie (or an Epic Zombie if it qualifies for this template).

To Me Mah Mindless Companions!(Ex): All Mindless Undead willingly defend the Epic Zombie if they are within 120', and will willingly sacrifice themselves to save it by interposing themselves between it and any enemies.

Improved Grab (Ex): If the Epic Zombie hits with it's Primary Natural Attack (usually it's Slam) it may immediately make a Grapple Check as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

Constrict (Ex): If the Epic Zombie has a Primary Natural Attack, it does double that damage (plus double it's Strength Modifier) with a successful Grapple Check.  Otherwise it does double it's normal Slam damage. 

Former Caster (Ex): If the Base Creature had the ability to cast spells, and lost it because of this Template, it gains a Deflection Bonus to Armor Class equal to half it's Hit Dice, and an Enhancement Bonus to all Attack and Damage rolls equal to half it's Hit Dice.  It also increases it's Spell Resistance by +5.

Special Qualities: The Epic Zombie keeps all Special Attack and Class Abilities.  Any Class Ability formerly based on Int or Charisma now gets a +4 Racial Modifier instead.  It also gains the following:

Turn Immunity (Ex):You are Immune to Turn/Rebuke Undead attempts.

Unnatural Aura (Su): Animals will not come within 100' of an Epic Zombie, and Panic if forced to do so (they remain Panicked so long as the Epic Zombie is within Range).

Lifesense (Ex): Epic Zombies may automatically sense Living creatures within 100' as thought they had Blindsight. They also automatically know the strength of their life force as if they had cast Deathwatch.

Spell Resistance (Ex): The Epic Zombie gains Spell Resistance equal to 14 plus half its hit Dice.

Damage Reduction (Ex): Gains Damage Reduction 15/Slashing and Epic.

Regeneration (Ex): Epic Zombies gain Regeneration 5.  Fire does normal damage to an Epic Zombie. 

Unnatural Vitality (Ex): The Epic Zombie gains Maximum hit points per hit die.

Negative Energy Aura (Ex): All Undead within 60' of an Epic Zombie gain Turn Immunity.


Saves: Unchanged.

Abilities: -2 Dex.  It has no Int or Con score.  Strength increases by an amount equal to Hit Dice (i.e. if it has 22 Hit Dice it gets +22 Str).  Charisma drops to 1.

Skills: Unlike other  Mindless creatures Epic Zombies retain some skill.  They keep all ranks in the following skills (but cannot add more ranks with further Hit Dice or Levels): Climb, Hide, Jump, Listen, Move Silently, Spot, and Swim.

Feats: Epic Zombies retain all Feats, but do not get more Feats with further Hit Dice or Levels.

Environment: Any Land or Underground

Organization: Unchanged, usually Solitary

Challenge Rating: +4 (+5 if former Spellcaster)

Treasure: None, but if the Base Creature was wearing or carrying any magical items it still has them (though most likely it can't use them)

Alignment: Always Neutral or Chaotic Evil

Advancement: An Epic Zombie can keep gaining Hit Dice up to double the Base Creatures.  If the Base Creature advances by Class Level the Zombie may possibly advance by Character Levels (see above).

Level Adjustment: +9 (+10 if former Spellcaster)

"Bert...there's something different about this one..."

There are few Epic Zombies in the world.  Necromancers love the idea, but they tend to create zombie plagues, and thus quickly drawing unwanted attention.  They make great shock troops for the undead horde though, so expect to keep seeing them.



Really Dead Bob (21st Level Barbarian)
                      Medium Undead.
Hit Dice:             21d12 (252 hp)
Initiative:           +4
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares)
Armor Class:          41 (+21 Natural, +10 Profane), touch 20, flat-footed 41
Armor Class (Raging):          39 (-2 Rage, +21 Natural, +10 Profane), touch 18, flat-footed 39
Base Attack/Grapple:  +21/+36
Attack:               Slam +36 melee (1d6+15) or by Weapon +36 melee
Full Attack:          2 Slams +36 melee (1d6+15) or by Weapon +36/+31/+26/+21 melee
Attack (Raging):       Slam +40 melee (1d6+19) or by Weapon +40 melee       
Full Attack (Raging):        2 Slams +40 melee (1d6+19) or by Weapon +40/+35/+30/+25 melee   
Space/Reach:          5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks:      Mighty Rage 8/day, Tireless Rage, Terrifying Appearance (DC 24), Infectious Bite (DC 24), To Me Mah Mindless Companions!, Improved Grab, Constrict (2d6+30)
Special Qualities:    DR 5/-, Trap Sense +6, Indomitable Will, Uncanny Dodge, Improved Uncanny Dodge, Turn Immunity, Unnatural Aura, Lifesense, SR 24, DR 15/Epic and Slashing, Unnatural Vitality,  Regeneration 5, Negative Energy Aura
Saves:                Fort +14, Ref +6, Will +7 (+11 Rage)
Abilities:            Str 41 (49 Rage), Dex 11, Con -, Int -, Wis 12, Cha 1
Skills:               Climb +25, Jump +27, Listen +11, Swim +25
Feats:                Extra Rage, Greater Powerful Charge, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Instantaneous Rage, Mad Foam Rager, Powerful Charge, Reckless Charge
Environment:          Any Land or Underground
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     25
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Chaotic Evil
Advancement:          By Class Levels
Level Adjustment:     +9

[The_Mad_Linguist]

pistol shrimp are intelligent?

Well, mantis shrimp are.  Relatively speaking, at least.

[bhu]

Updated zombie.  SHould i add some fear/stench/disease type stuff too?

[Monotremeancer]

Updated zombie.  SHould i add some fear/stench/disease type stuff too?

I would go with fear as basic and make the other two some kind of add-on that raise the CR, the same way you can choose a pixie with or without Ottos Irresistable Dance

[bhu]

Zombie updated.

[jojolagger]

Regeneration (Ex): Epic Zombies gain Regeneration 5.  Fire does normal damage to a Troll.

copypasta error

[bhu]

Earth Mole
                      Huge Magical Beast
Hit Dice:             12d10+72 (138 hp)
Initiative:           +0
Speed:                40 ft. (8 squares), Burrow 40 ft.
Armor Class:          16 (-2 Size, +8 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple:  +12/+30
Attack:               Bite +20 melee (2d6+15)
Full Attack:          Bite +20 melee (2d6+15)
Space/Reach:          15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks:      Tremors, Surface Ambush
Special Qualities:    Blind, Tremorsense 60', Scent, Weakness
Saves:                Fort +13, Ref +8, Will +5
Abilities:            Str 30, Dex 10, Con 20, Int 3, Wis 13, Cha 14
Skills:               Listen +16
Feats:              Cold Endurance, Endurance, Improved Cold Endurance, Improved Toughness, Snatch
Environment:          Cold Hills and Mountains
Organization:         Solitary
Challenge Rating:     7
Treasure:             None
Alignment:            Always Neutral
Advancement:          13-16 HD (Huge), 17-20 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment:     ---

"Bert...I have been asked to hunt some odd critters in mah time...but this is just damn foolish..."

Earth Moles are giant hairy creatures, vaguely piglike with digging tusks.  Dissections have revealed many similarities to Mammoths, which puzzles Wizards greatly.  No one is certain why they have adapted this way, and they show none of the usual signs of magical tampering.

Tremors: When the Earth Mole uses it's Burrow speed 10' or less below ground, anything standing on the ground above it as it passes must make a DC 26 Reflex Save (Save DC is Strength Based). 

Surface Ambush: The Earth Mole can position itself below it's opponent, and perform a Charge Attack by suddenly surfacing.  If it's opponent is Flat-footed, the Earth Mole gets a +6 Circumstance Bonus on the Grapple Check when using it's Snatch Feat.

Blind (Ex): Earth Moles are completely Blind and immune to any Attack that requires them to be able to see.

Weakness (Ex): Earth Moles are vulnerable to Sunlight, and can only take a single Move or Attack Action.  If it cannot escape by the next round it is destroyed.

Combat:  Earth Moles will generally make a few passes to shake things up, and then suddenly ambush one party member.  Seeing as they are vulnerable to sunlight they tend to not get many chances if it's daylight, but at night they can be terrors.