Commander Shepard has some really awesome females to 'board the deck'. Garrett Hawke less so.
Really? I never played Mass Effect 1. But Mass Effect 2 was terrible about the romance options...
Lets see, lets start with the first one. Miranda. Stuck up bitch, who reminds you time... and time again how "perfect" she is thanks to Daddy's credit card and sleeping her way to the top of Cerberus. There's cryptic ways in game to find out she's had sex with The Elusive Man, with Jacob, and wants to have sex with you and hang your dick on a mantle. For some reason, hates Jack with an undying passion.
Let's talk about Jack. Skinhead chick, who plays that whole "I'm a badass woman" chaotic neutral thing that I just can't stand. There's nothing cool, edgy, funny, or reasonable about some psychotic hoe bag throwing insults and face stabs around. Only for her to cry about it, and talk about how she was just some unloved orphan who needed hugs. Yeah, maybe you could've told me that BEFORE you tried to hump my leg and gloat about all the guys you've had sex with. I don't want to be your father or your therapist.
Let's see who else... Kelly. Oh yes, Kelly. The chick who will literally sleep with anything. Man, woman, interspecies, it doesn't matter with this girl. Oh yes, she's single cause she just hasn't found the right person yet. It couldn't possibly be she wants to try out every single alien appendage, and boldly go where no man has gone before. I honestly let my team die just so she'd go with them. There's even a easter egg where she'll deal a pole dance for you. This game is really supposed to be for adults? Or is "mature" vidya' talk for hormonal fifteen year olds?
Ah, Tali... here's a decent woman! She's smart, she's funny, she actually makes conversation, she has a history with Shepard. Aaannnddd, she's like... majorly handicapped and her idea of sex is drinking from the same cup... wow...
Oh... and I guess technically there's Morinth. Who's sole purpose is to be a cocktease, because she's a deranged serial killer, and you WILL die if you have sex with her. And her milf is Samara, who's only slightly less crazy.
MEANWHILE... women (or curious men) get Jacob, a strong, articulated, black man, who's moving up in the world. Thane Krios, a fricking NINJA who can recite Shakespeare and Nietzsche in the same sentence, pulling it off beautifully, Garrus, a working man who does assassination work, can tell a joke, always has a story to tell, and has a deeper side to him. And I'm unsure about the DLC characters, as I don't have Xbox Live. But already I can tell straight men get shafted. Because what real man would find any of those girls attractive? I know it's a video game, but if I'm expected to play along with this suspension of disbelief, then you gotta' give me something to work with!!
Dumping women is fun though. Jack freaks out on you, Miaranda plays it off like it's cool, but is probably dead inside... and there's really nothing you can do to Kelly unfortunately. Which is a shame, because I hate her the most. There's only kissing her ass commentary, or normal commentary which could be and undoubtedly WILL be misinterpreted. Honestly... if I had a choice with anyone. I'd be making Shepard babies with Serrice while there's still five minutes before menopause.
We know she can't hold her liquor, and we both wear that Nazi scientist attire, we've got so much in common! Course you need only ask my girlfriend Samantha that romancing me is probably a bad idea if you were a female Shepard. I'm clearly a character meant for ME 3 as a playable Collector character. Alone time with Jim Profit sounds very much like;
"ASSSUMING CONTROL!!!"
"This hurts YOU..."
"You will know pain Shepard."
I'm a bit aggressive in the hay...
Ironically, I got neutral, leaning toward paragon. Then again I'd have to be a dick for no reason to actually get renegade. Being a jerk ass is fine when it actually makes sense. I'm not chaotic stupid.
